This week was big. Really big.
Apart from getting a clean bill of health from my doctor, “you my friend are as fit as a fiddle. Although you may want to lose some weight”.
Yeah, I’m workin’ on that, doc.
He’s new, God love ‘em.
But, this week I began to start taking things back in a very real way.
For years I’ve lived under extreme anxiety — I still do, don’t get me wrong, I love getting freaked out by a crowd and sweating my head off, it’s my jam.
I’m talking about holding myself back. Preventing myself from feeling true happiness and realizing my own worth. And, I know, that sounds a little “Oprah-y”, and forgive me if it does, cause ain’t nobody got time for that. Believe me, I hate that pie in the sky bullshit as much as the next guy, but this is legit.
This week I decided that I was worth something. I’m a great person, with a kind heart, and I excel at whatever I put my mind to.
There are fixtures and forces in the world that would work against that. The greatest of which is myself.
While, this is certainly a one step forward/one step back kind of arrangement — because there will be pitfalls I can assure you — this week I had the wheel firmly in my hands. They were at ten and two with eyes forward scanning the horizon.
And in my head the entire time was this mantra:
I will not allow other people to determine my value.
I have a voice.
I will not be afraid to express myself.
I have power.
I will not be ashamed.
I have pride.
I will not cower.
I have courage
I will not settle.
I have a world at my feet.
I will live.
Because that is what I’m born to do.
I was not born to prevent myself from living.
I started this journey at roughly 435lbs.
This morning I made it my mission to replicate what I’ve been doing emotionally all week with my body.
This week I lifted myself in every way imaginable — and for a brief second felt the kiss of the sun, I saw myself not as a shadow hiding against a wall in plain sight, but as a man destined to be whatever he wants to be.
And wouldn’t you know it — it’s only Saturday. There’s a whole day left to come.