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Friends, I have fallen.
Fallen into the same trap.
Shame flooded my body
Like a river undamned.
Like rumours running rampant in an office.
Like whispers in a canyon.
Friends, I have failed you.
Furiously filling my body with foul poison.
I’ve let it nip at my mind.
I’ve made contact with my inner child
And he tells me,
We are not to speak anymore.
Friends, I have slipped.
Once, I thought I was invincible.
Walking with the weight of the world
Firmly pressed against my shoulders,
Calves and quads flexing ‘neath the strain
Sinister smile plastered across my face.
Friends, I am guilty.
There are days I wish I were a farmer.
Hands and heart hardened by the earth
From the constant working of the soil.
These new leaves wouldn’t be so heavy to turn
If I had learned to toil the land a little longer.
Friends, I am sorry.
I have let you down.
You, who have followed my words
You, who have said “that’s me”
You, who have been inspired
You, who have been thankful.
I write this for you.
Friends, I have turned it around.
I have taken the leaf by the veins,
Torn it from the earth,
And point blank pinned it properly to its back.
Like some sort of aging wrestler
Standing tall without the aid of a turnbuckle.
Friends, I have made changes.
My passwords tell me each day
That I have the power to make it.
I have surrounded myself with love.
Not the kind of love you see on television
But the kind that comes from inside.
Friends, health comes from perseverance.
And while there are days I want to signal silently surgeons
To staple my stomach shut and just be fucking done with it.
I know that eventually I will live happier
With the learning that comes from falling.
And the strength that comes from standing up again.
Friends, I am on the path again.
My boots firmly tightened about my ankles.
My smile pleasantly plastered upon my face.
I am the damn that holds the river.
I alone control the flood water.
And my aim is to always remain bone dry.